5 things NOT to get Anglers for XMAS

So in keeping with my reputation as cheif tackle critic I figured I’d make a quick guide in response to Dereks Christmas Gift blog. These are things you might think are a good idea to get the fishing person in your life but you couldn’t be more wrong.

Disclaimer: the opinions expressed here are only a result of many years of verbal abuse, head trauma, rejection and personal failures and in no way represent the company vision of Epic or much less a person in full control. Consider at your own risk.

1. Fishing Visors- I just can’t let you buy this for the angler in your life without pleading my case. Visors in all fashions simply never should have been created nor are they current. Even when they were current the idea was still a hat with a hole in the top. Are you looking for 15% of the fashion of a baseball hat with zero of the sun protection? Oh and your favorite football coach can’t pull it off either. 

2. Spey Swivels- This idea is a pack swivels connected to braided loops on either end you use to minimize line twist. Okay before you tell me spey swivels saved your life let me pre-counter. Line twist, so what? Spey swivels are pretty efficient at allowing twist also and a little line memory is just a regular occurrence. Spey swivels are a $30 solution to a non-problem that spey-bunnies don’t think are cool.

3. Magnetic Over the Shoulder Net- A net anywhere is a great idea but a couple of observations. First, the net you gift needs to match the size of the species. As a steelhead guide, when I see the baby trout net you’re packing you only earn yourself easy water and a casting lesson. Second, the world has let us get away with calling fishing a sport but it’s a sport like how pool is a sport. Anglers aren’t collectively known as pinnacles of fitness and 20 minutes of heavy breathing in a wader room is an enlightening experience. Worse yet is watching someone tightly packed in 30 layers of nano puff flailing in circles for their net like a dog chasing their tail.

4. Vibram- Oh specifically? Specifically all things vibram. Have you ever found yourself saying “if only I had hard plastic on the bottom of my shoes I’d have phenomenal traction?” Me neither. If the odd world class river needs to die from whirling disease so I can be comfortable seems like a fair trade off. I can often be heard saying “I can’t think of one single application for vibram” lying on my back in the forest with 8 inches hard packed snow jammed on the bottom of my felt boots.

5. Billy the Big Mouth Bass- You know how anglers have difficulty separating fishing from everyday life? You’re only encouraging them. Billy the big mouth bass in your living room says every time I want to have friends over, watch a movie or have a serious conversation it’s okay to shift focus back to fish. That time you were asked to wear waders into the bedroom and call yourself Vladimir wasn’t far enough?!!?!!